Free Advice to others

I have stopped giving free advice to people. Free advice is often a double-edged sword. While it can come from a place of genuine care and a desire to help, it is frequently perceived as an unwanted intrusion, damaging relationships and often doing unheeded.

For a long time, I thought giving advice was a noble act, a way to help others navigating life’s complexities. I believed that sharing my insights and experiences could make a positive difference in someone’s life. But over time, I realized that unsoliciated advice often does more harm than good.

The Pitfalls of Unsolicited Advice

Unsolicited advice can come across as presumptous, dismissive, and even condescending. When we offer advice without being asked, we are essentially saying, “I know better than you”. This can undermine a person’s ability to solve their problems. As Sharon Martin, LCSW, notes, “Giving advice that isn’t wanted can be annoying, intrusive, and even manipulative”.

Why I used to Give Unsolicited Advice

We often give unsolicited advice out of good intentions – we want to help, fix problems, or feel needed. Sometimes, it’s driven by our own anxiety or desire to control situations. However, this approch can strain relationships and lead to resentment. I have experienced this with my close relatives.

Lessons Learned

I have learned that the most powerful way to support someone isn’t through advice but through listening and empathy. When people share their struggles, often they don’t need solutions, they need to be heard and understood. As one expert puts it, “Sometimes people just want to vent and just want someone to liste”. Normally, when your wife is complaining about so many things, don’t ever give solutions to her, just listen and she will be relieved.

How to support without Advising

1. Listen actively. Focus on understanding the person’s perspective.
2. Ask Permission. Before offering advice, ask if they would like your input.
3. Validate Feelings. Acknowledge their emotions like – “That sounds really tough”.
4. Empathise. Show you care without necessarily offering solutions.

My Experience

Stopping giving free advice hasn’t been about becoming aloof or unhelpful, it has been about becoming more mindful of how I support others. It’s allowed me to build relationsips based on mutual repsect and genuine understanding.

Conclusion

Giving up the urge of offering unsolicited advice has been liberating for me and those around me. It’s reminder that sometimes. the best way to help isn’t by telling someone what to do, but by being present and listening. This act of holding up the urge to give solutions has helped me immensely in my corporate job, in building meaningful people connections.

Thank you my dear readers for stopping by

Stay Happy and keep smiling. Enjoy your Sunday.